Causes of Abuse
What is "abuse"?
What are its causes?
What can be done to stop it?
With the startling number of complaints in the Society -- from men and women -- of both physical and verbal abuse, it seems quite evident that we, as a Society, need to look deeper into this phenomenon than we have in the past, generally.
So...What, exactly, IS "abuse"?
abuse (v.)
[1413, from M.Fr. abuser, from V.L. *abusare, from L. abusus, pp. of abuti "use up," also "misuse," from ab- "away" + uti "use" (see use).]
–verb (used with object)
1. to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one's authority.
2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4. to commit sexual assault upon.
5. Obsolete. to deceive or mislead.
–noun
6. wrong or improper use; misuse: the abuse of privileges.
7. harshly or coarsely insulting language: The officer heaped abuse on his men.
8. bad or improper treatment; maltreatment: The child was subjected to cruel abuse.
9. a corrupt or improper practice or custom: the abuses of a totalitarian regime.
10. rape or sexual assault.
11. Obsolete. deception.
Thus, to "abuse" someone or something is to handle it in a manner that is "away from the manner originally intended"...by implication, "by its Creator". Naturally, the Creator of a thing determines the nature, function and proper use of the thing created.
For the purpose of this article, the term "abuse" refers primarily to the mistreatment or mishandling of "people"...by people.
What then, is the proper way of handling people?
What is the Creator's Desire or Intention for the treatment of Human Beings by Human Beings?
What are the consequences of deviating from the Creator's Intention or Will regarding the treatment of Human Beings?
The above are questions that must be considered, and pondered over, if we are to effectively address the issue of "abuse".
Why do "abusers" abuse?
Some say that "abusers" abuse because "they can". Some say it is about control. I agree with both of these assessments, but I also believe there is a deeper, underlying cause.
To say that "abusers" abuse "because they can", is only partly true; for we all have free will to pursue what we deem necessary for our survival. In that sense, we ALL do whatever we do..."because we can".
Additionally, although I agree that "abuse" tends to be about "control", I again think this is only partly true; because every human being that is striving to make progress in their lives -- both abuser and non-abuser -- is also striving to exercise some measure of "control" over themselves and their environment.
So, then, if the abuser and the non-abuser are both seeking to do what "they can" to maintain a certain level of "control" over their lives and their circumstances, what makes the abuser "abusive" in his or her attempts, as opposed to the "non-abuser"?
First, we must remember that "abusers" are, first and foremost, Human Beings...just like the "rest of us", Created in the Image and Likeness of God. Therefore, ALL of us -- abusers, abused, non-abusers, non-abused -- carry within us the Essence and Nature of God.
Likewise, ALL of us are seeking to enhance our Lives and Circumstances in the best ways we know how, according to our understandings. This calls forth the question: Why, then, to some Divine Beings "abuse", and others not? What is the Essential difference between the Saint ...and the Sinner?
The answer is...INFORMATION...or, more specifically, our INTERPRETATIONS of the Information we accept as "true".
In other words, "abusers" -- who are Essentially Divine Beings -- resort to abusive behavior because they lack sufficient knowledge of how to solve their problems or how to interact with other Beings in a mutually beneficial way. People who abuse are not, necessarily, "bad people": it is quite possible that they are Good People, trying to do Good Things, ...with "bad information".
What can be done to stop Abuse?
One approach to stopping a particular cycle of abuse is, of course, separation of the abused from the abuser. Once abuse has been discovered, this is the surest way to end a particular cycle of abuse. Protect the abused by separating him or her from the abuser.
However, that, alone, is not enough. If we separate every abused person we can find from their abusers, yet leave the abusers in the state they are in that "causes" them to abuse, then we are leaving a trap for another person to fall into. Something has to be done also, when practical, to help the abuser better understand the purpose and value of human life, and how his or her well being depends on his/her looking out for the well-being of others.
In other words, the abuser must be re-educated (if deemed practical). He or she must be allowed or helped to see how his or her actions not only hurt others, but rob him or her of the chance to have meaningful interpersonal relationships, thus diminishing his or her own quality of life. And even more significantly, the abuser must be allowed or helped to see, for himself or herself, the actual reasons "why" he or she is resorting to such behavior. Why is that?
The Hon. Elijah Muhammad taught us, "You don't have to condemn a man for drinking from a dirty glass. Just set a clean glass next to it, and let him choose." The Righteousness of his own nature will cause him to choose the clean glass, every time. Likewise, a Divine Being, who is seeking to express his or her Divinity, but is hindered by flawed information which causes him or her to be more destructive than constructive; need not be condemned for acting on the "dirty" information he or she has to work with. All he or she needs, ofttimes, is to be given "clean" information that he or she will more readily identify with, and he/she will gladly "let go" of the "dirty glass" in exchange for the "clean glass".
This is not to suggest that the abuser should be given "greater consideration" than the abused...not at all. But it is to suggest that both the abuser and the abused are suffering...and in pain; and both need an opportunity to be delivered from that which ails them.
